seol_plumfall | Entries tagged with journal

Seol,

I went to the Cathedral of Stormwind, the way you asked. And I prayed for the health of the Light and for the peace of the Alliance and the Horde to you can sit in the pews some day also, the way you asked. And I tried to see the beautifulness of the building to carry the hope and sadness of Stormwind, the big stone boat, the way you asked. I tried to forgive it and see the beautifulness of it, the way you asked. But I could not do it very well because paladins kill and torture and break knees of "bad people" in the court yard every day I go to it.

You still say a human paladin, to use the shadow of the Cathedral to excuse any thing he does, any cruel thing, is the brother of you?

You have a bad, bad family.

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Current Mood: cheery... trying to be cheery

Astrolabe, sweet of my heart,

I feel much better today. Yesterday I was able to go to the market and the tavern in Shattrath to look for foods and wines for Jelleneth. I met her at the tavern and I talked to her without becoming frightened, too. I was even able to talk about that man who ~~I dislike~~ frightens me without feeling frightened. I think I shall send him some cupcakes, and Jelleneth suggested some sweets from Draenor, so that he does not suspect ill will from me. For whatever my selfish personal feelings may be, he is Jelleneth's ~~unworthy suitor~~ dear friend and I must not allow bad feelings to grow between us.

And today I was able to go to Orgrimmar and buy lots of candy and things to cook. Talking to the strangers did not make me feel frightened at all because I was so excited about cooking with you and sending the gifts to people. I feel better. I feel at ease.

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Current Mood: anxious

Tiddia wrote to me but I haven't been able to write back because I'm really, really, sick. Sick like after that Adept died, almost as sick as back when we came to Silvermoon. I can write in this journal just fine, but if I think about going outside, even if I look at a letter-size piece of parchment I feel sick and frightened and I can't get out of my bed.

I have to go back to Silvermoon to report to the Masters eventually but whenever I think about it I feel like I'm going to die.

I'm ashamed of myself.

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Current Mood: enervated

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Current Mood: bashful

The pain died down, though the ghost is still around.

And I feel good. I am very interesting.

Seol is asleep and smells very nice.

and I happy, happy, happy, happy, happy

Seol 64 ← Astrolabe 30 → Seol 65

Current Mood: sparkly

Astrolabe,

I feel so nice.

I think that I need to rest more often. Often I "rest" from the battlefield or from my duties in Silvermoon, but I travel here and there, and I write or read about difficult things, or I practice arms, or I run errands for the house. I do not just stay in the house and rest and soothe and repair my body all day. But today we did nothing but eat and talk and take a bath and I feel so nice.

Maybe I cannot know with certainty if it is pleasure or it is only relief from the pain of my body. But I will not fret about it any more.

Our mother and father are in Zangarmarsh so we are being naked and lazy in our house. And now I am going to cook something and then we are going to go to sleep.

Seol 63 ← Seol 64 → Astrolabe 30

Current Mood: relaxed

Every day I am happy that Astrolabe is near to me to help me and to teach me patiently.

Some days ago Astrolabe returned from Darnassus. She met various people in that city, but she did not manage to find a master warrior to train her. She did not want to go to Stormwind or the Exodar, and though I said she could go to Ironforge, she said that she was tired and tired of the distance from me, so she came home.

Our father told me that perhaps she should not wander everywhere looking for a teacher who knows of the Light but will not mistake her for a paladin when her husband is here in Shattrath and serves the Shattered Sun with the Light and a sword. He discussed it with our mother and with Astrolabe and they both agreed, they want me to be her teacher before any other man or woman.

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Current Mood: worried

My husband has made himself doubly confused.

Seol writes beautifully with the pen of doubt and belief, but twice he has doubled back and scrawled confusion over his words. The freshest ink reads, "I believe that I truly believe in my pleasure," but that is not the prayer his heart needs to raise up and gaze upon in order to heal his soul. For as he writes those words he frets about and doubts about the veracity of his beliefs, the possibility of a self-delusion, he may learn about what his mind considers necessary in order to deem some proposition true or false, but he will not learn to feel pleasure.

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Current Mood: optimistic

Dear Light,

Help me

I want to feel pleasure.

I want to feel pleasure and to desire pleasure like a normal person.

I dont want to have to pretend that when I feel grief and when I feel pity that I am feeling pleasure.

I dont want to have to figure out what pleasure is by feeling for the gaps in pain. I dont want to run away from pain and pretend that it is the same thing as running towards pleasure.

I want to feel pleasure and desire

I dont want to be afraid that my pleasure is not really pleasure and that I will never be able to tell the difference between pleasure and relief.

I want to be able to have a desire for Astrolabe that does not have inside it a fear that my desire is not real. I want to be able to have a desire that is desire, like a normal person

Please

give me faith.

I need to believe in pleasure.

believe in chocolate

Seol 61 ← Seol 62 → Astrolabe 29

Current Mood: not despairing

To whom it may concern:

I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON THE CONFESSOR

AND I DEFINITELY DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON THE HIGHLORD.

what the fel "paladin-sexual"

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Current Mood: mad

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Current Mood: anxious

Astrolabe,

Tiddia wrote me from Icecrown. And I was very confused because I thought she would watch the Silvermoon house until someone came back. So I went there very quickly and met the man that Tiddia hired to watch the house and feed the cats, whose name is Thadric.

He is very strange. And undead. And he was not wearing any clothes almost, but the door was locked and he did not expect anyone, and all people like to do their various strange things in their privacy, so I do not think that was itself a very bad thing, but

I did not want to see that.

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Current Mood: uncomfortable

Astrolabe,

Last night was very strange. Our mother and I were both tired so we did not cook but went to eat at the World's End. But our mother did not sit with me and drank at the bar. I was confused. Did she want me to drink with her, or was she thinking alone? I was confused so I did not join her.

Then Jelleneth came in and she was very drunk. After I Cleansed her she explained her problem, that there are two men who want to be her husband and she does not know which one to marry. And I was a little angry to hear about it, Astrolabe.

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Current Mood: annoyed

Astrolabe,

You know that I do not like when you leave suddenly. But I know you will be extra sweet to me when you return to make me feel better.

I could not convince Jia to return to Silvermoon. She said that to make her go I would have to bend her body under my strength or I would have to arrest her as a Master. And she knows I will not do these things, so she won. She, Pietro, and Cosimo ^and Galenos are staying on the Scryers Tier. Pietro is going to go back to Silvermoon to watch the house for a little while, until I can hire someone else because Tiddia needs to go work soon.

I cannot even go see my sister because the Scryers know my face.

Why are you not here to rub the tear off of it and make me feel better?

Helaah 2 ← Seol 57 → Seol 58

Current Mood: wangsty

I have been thinking for a long time, and now I am quite sure: I was too harsh with the boy.

Astrolabe is off to Azeroth to look for someone to train her in arms. She promised me that she would not stray out of the capital cities of the Alliance so I am at least not worried about her trying to make friends with strange blood elves. But she refused to go to the Exodar, and I am a little nervous about her mingling with the foreign nations. I think that with his money I may be able to afford at least a short break from work to accompany her.

I need a cloak. A really big cloak. Although, I wonder if they will really treat me better as a hideous old hunchback than a Broken?

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Current Mood: gloomy

Seol,

I was selfish to you.

I was happy to be a child for you to protect. I was happy to be inside the walls of Shattrath and not to need the hands and hooves of I to be fast to get food for we. I thought, now, I rest and be a child again, and the walls and the bodies of Vindicators of the Aldor protect I. I thought I had time to grow and to help the Light later. And I sat inside the walls, and the bodies of they and of the Shattered Sun and of Seol protected I.

But I am not so very small. I killed three elves on Bloodmyst. I crushed in the faces with a mace. I cried and I cried and I was so sad of the beautiful faces dead and I said I try and I try not to kill any more ones. And two months went. And two months I was happy in Shattrath, I was the wife of the husband of I, and two months he fought and he bled and blood was on he and I was so clean.

The sister of you is only a half of a century, and she walked to Shattrath to understand the love of you. And I heard she said to the angry you, she will not wait. She does not have the strength of adults but she has a strength to go so she goes right now.

Two months you bled and there was blood and dirty things on the ground of Draenor, and I bandaged people of the Shattered Sun and made armors and cared to you, but I sat inside the walls and other people fought and bled and made blood and died.

It is not wrong if I do this.

But I can not want to do it any more.

Jiajia 4 ← Astrolabe 28 → Helaah 2

Current Mood: determined

Shattrath is incredibly dirty. I have no idea how Seol lives here. Or maybe I have an idea and it is that he likes to stand in the middle of this Lower City here with his golden armor and clean black hair and be a shining beacon of hope to all those poor ugly refugees.

After all, the best soldiers are in Northrend standing against Arthas so there is no one to outshine some scrawny two-copper Knight.

A draenei spat on Galenos when we passed the Aldor Rise.

I don't like this place.

Seol 56 ← Jiajia 4 → Astrolabe 28

Current Mood: disappointed

Astrolabe,

I had such a strange dream last night, of a very large dog that would not stop eating bodies.

And I woke up today feeling so sore all over, everywhere...

Cosimo 4 ← Seol 56 → Jiajia 4

Current Mood: puzzled

By the everloving Light, Jia.

So we meet up in the Blasted Lands, with all those killer hyenas and DEMONIC BOARS, and they're all dirty from traveling for days and the man's arm is even bleeding, and when Pietro and I come up to them crying and? When we say that Master Plumfall already asked some Shattered Sun soldiers to escort us to Shattrath? She got mad. It wasn't even "let's go home," what the fel.

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Current Mood: resigned

We located Miss Jia, at the border between the Swamp and the Blasted Lands.

But L.

When Cosimo and I were traveling in the Swamp, we nearly ran into a party of travelers from the Alliance. You never know if they're the type to parlay or shoot first, so we concealed ourselves and waited for them to pass. But with my bad eyes and my ear I was not able to monitor their location, and the poor boy was very frightened and confused and not of much use, so I slipped into his mind a moment to use his eyes and ears.

And I suppose my power must have grown over the years somehow even though I did not often practice them in Undercity, for I was not only able to see what he saw and hear what he heard, but I heard what Cosimo heard through his left ear, through my left ear.

L.

Here it is. Here is the key, the tool, the organ remade.

L.

Within my grasp again.

Seol 55 ← Pietro 8 → Cosimo 4

Current Mood: indescribable

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
				1	2	3
4	5	6	7	8	9	10
11	12	13	14	15	16	17
18	19	20	21	22	23	24
25	26	27	28	29	30

Seol Plumfall

turtle loves sporebat

→Astrolabe 31: Astrolabe and the Cathedral

→Seol 67: Gradual recovery

→Seol 66: Dark night

→Seol 65: I do not know what to say.

→Astrolabe 30: When everything just works out

→Seol 64: Day off

→Seol 63: When I was your level, Expert riding wasn't until 70

→Astrolabe 29: Learning about it, learning to do it

→Seol 62: Pray

→Seol 61: Love of the unattainable

→Seol 60: His problem

→Seol 59: Things Seol Did Not Want To See, Part CLVII

→Seol 58: Selfish love

→Seol 57: Surrendering

→Helaah 2: Beginning of reconciliation

→Astrolabe 28: Her conviction

→Jiajia 4: Poor impression

→Seol 56: Baby's First Raid

→Cosimo 4: The source of strength

→Pietro 8: His ambition

September 2011

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