![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
My husband has made himself doubly confused.
Seol writes beautifully with the pen of doubt and belief, but twice he has doubled back and scrawled confusion over his words. The freshest ink reads, "I believe that I truly believe in my pleasure," but that is not the prayer his heart needs to raise up and gaze upon in order to heal his soul. For as he writes those words he frets about and doubts about the veracity of his beliefs, the possibility of a self-delusion, he may learn about what his mind considers necessary in order to deem some proposition true or false, but he will not learn to feel pleasure.
( Read more... )
Seol writes beautifully with the pen of doubt and belief, but twice he has doubled back and scrawled confusion over his words. The freshest ink reads, "I believe that I truly believe in my pleasure," but that is not the prayer his heart needs to raise up and gaze upon in order to heal his soul. For as he writes those words he frets about and doubts about the veracity of his beliefs, the possibility of a self-delusion, he may learn about what his mind considers necessary in order to deem some proposition true or false, but he will not learn to feel pleasure.
( Read more... )
→Seol 62: Pray
Nov. 15th, 2009 10:22 pmDear Light,
Help me
I want to feel pleasure.
I want to feel pleasure and to desire pleasure like a normal person.
I dont want to have to pretend that when I feel grief and when I feel pity that I am feeling pleasure.
I dont want to have to figure out what pleasure is by feeling for the gaps in pain. I dont want to run away from pain and pretend that it is the same thing as running towards pleasure.
I want to feel pleasure and desire
I dont want to be afraid that my pleasure is not really pleasure and that I will never be able to tell the difference between pleasure and relief.
I want to be able to have a desire for Astrolabe that does not have inside it a fear that my desire is not real. I want to be able to have a desire that is desire, like a normal person
Please
give me faith.
I need to believe in pleasure.
believe in chocolate
Help me
I want to feel pleasure.
I want to feel pleasure and to desire pleasure like a normal person.
I dont want to have to pretend that when I feel grief and when I feel pity that I am feeling pleasure.
I dont want to have to figure out what pleasure is by feeling for the gaps in pain. I dont want to run away from pain and pretend that it is the same thing as running towards pleasure.
I want to feel pleasure and desire
I dont want to be afraid that my pleasure is not really pleasure and that I will never be able to tell the difference between pleasure and relief.
I want to be able to have a desire for Astrolabe that does not have inside it a fear that my desire is not real. I want to be able to have a desire that is desire, like a normal person
Please
give me faith.
I need to believe in pleasure.
believe in chocolate
Seol 61 ← Seol 62 → Astrolabe 29
→Astrolabe 20: The best one can do
Sep. 17th, 2009 04:53 pmSeol,
I am sorry. Tiddia went, and where I do not know. I think I did it of cause of I talked with Zula Slag Fury all day, of I want to learn of to black smith, of to make armor for little ones of Shattered Sun and to make money for husband of I, ... and I did not talk to Tiddia and make she safe feelings.
I am sad, to be friendy with she is hard but I think you are correct, the self inside is not bad. Just normal, she interests, like any person. And to understand she is hard but for people to understand I is hard so I feel sad and I feel Iunderstand(?) (have feelings of solidarity) to feel to stand in to be same. But I did not know how to say I understand so I did not say a thing and we were not friends.
Paladins are really bad, bad.
( Read more... )
I am sorry. Tiddia went, and where I do not know. I think I did it of cause of I talked with Zula Slag Fury all day, of I want to learn of to black smith, of to make armor for little ones of Shattered Sun and to make money for husband of I, ... and I did not talk to Tiddia and make she safe feelings.
I am sad, to be friendy with she is hard but I think you are correct, the self inside is not bad. Just normal, she interests, like any person. And to understand she is hard but for people to understand I is hard so I feel sad and I feel I
Paladins are really bad, bad.
( Read more... )
→Seol 29: Broken
Sep. 12th, 2009 06:14 pmAstrolabe,
I think I'm broken.
The Masters increased my salary again. I think they feel afraid because more Masters have left the Knights recently. So I have some money for our furniture.
But please do not buy too much. I want to buy a bigger apartment for Jia. More space would make her and Galenos happier. Also, I think I may hire a tutor to live with her and teach her. She does not want to go to school with other blood elf children. But she met a man in Undercity named Pietro Caro, and she says he is very kind and learned and is unhappy in Undercity. We talked, and we think he can teach her languages, history, and other things.
I am very happy that Jia now is not so angry at me.
But I'm broken
( Read more... )
I think I'm broken.
The Masters increased my salary again. I think they feel afraid because more Masters have left the Knights recently. So I have some money for our furniture.
But please do not buy too much. I want to buy a bigger apartment for Jia. More space would make her and Galenos happier. Also, I think I may hire a tutor to live with her and teach her. She does not want to go to school with other blood elf children. But she met a man in Undercity named Pietro Caro, and she says he is very kind and learned and is unhappy in Undercity. We talked, and we think he can teach her languages, history, and other things.
I am very happy that Jia now is not so angry at me.
But I'm broken
( Read more... )
→Astrolabe 19: Preliminary results
Sep. 11th, 2009 06:27 pmSeol does not desire me.
Astrolabe 18 ← Astrolabe 19 → Seol 29
Because wranet often has these really interesting threads addressing themes, but I am too much of a coward to post my own character ramblings in public there, I think I am going to start a little recurring feature on this blog, a "daily ramble upon a theme," if you will. We'll start with one that comes from wranet, gender and sexuality.
Oh, gender. ( Read more... )
Oh, gender. ( Read more... )
→SS1, Astro/Seol: Chocolate
Aug. 7th, 2009 01:31 amThe mixing bowls at the Aldor Rise inn were very big and very shiny. Astrolabe marveled at her distorted expression; tilting it this way, her forehead shrank and her mouth widened terrifyingly. She looked quite a bit like Helaah. Laughing, she lifted up the bowl and turned it around, showing Helaah the kitchen; was it the way she remembered?
Astro was sure, at least, that when her mother had been an Aldor priestess there had never been anyone here so pale and pink-skinned as that man; she captured his reflection in the bowl to show Helaah, the blurry figure of a dark-haired elf holding out a hand to her, asking smilingly, "That?"
( Read more... )