seol_plumfall: (seol)
[Appended, some hours later]

Oh Astrolabe, by the Light, the sermons of the Horde are very, very bad. I wish you or Mother were here to teach them what proper religious scholarship is.

I planned to finish on the story about the Light tonight but my brain hurts after this. I think I am ill with the Plague of Bad Theology.





Seol 54 ← Seol 55 → Pietro 8
seol_plumfall: (Default)
Lately I have been thinking about souls. I have also been thinking that I shouldn't be thinking about souls because I still have not finished thinking about the Light for the first draft of my essay. There is only one section left for me to write. Maybe that is why I do not want to write it. I am afraid -- actually, not afraid, more embarrassed, as I feel myself blushing even just writing this -- I am embarrassed to firmly state, "this is indeed what I believe the Light is," I guess because the firmness of my belief does not actually exist and really I am very ignorant and extremely confused.

But I ought to finish it so that I can begin to translate it. I am very worried about Astrolabe, I have never seen her have a sad mood that lasted this long. If we become busy writing and translating, maybe she will become enthusiastic and laugh with excitement again. I cannot give my body for her consumption to please her, but I can give my words for her critique and please her?

Then I will show it to Helaah. Abelar told me that he and Helaah used to write each other letters about the Light and ethics before their marriage. I would really like her to criticize and help me.

But I'm a little bit extremely terrified.

I guess I better get to work.




Seol 53 ← Seol 54 → Seol 55
seol_plumfall: (seol)
Astrolabe,

Today I confessed to Tiddia and it was fine. After was the same as before. She treated me very kindly today and complimented me on many strange things. She at least thinks I look more like a man than a boy now, and I was flattered. And when I told her the story she was not angered or frightened, I think at least, and when I asked if she thought I was weak for still having a panic reaction to that, she still said I was perfect the way that I am.

Maybe she was just saying especially nice things to make me calm down, but I was so happy to hear those kind words. And she says she wants to join the Ebon Blade so that she can stand in Icecrown with the army that protects life in order to protect me and to protect the ones I love. I was so happy to hear that.

Will you forgive her, Astrolabe? It is not fair of me to ask such a thing of Astrolabe when she is still so unhappy. I feel bad, I should have discouraged her from touring Draenor, I should have known that what she would see would upset her.

...


I am so happy that Tiddia wants to protect my Astrolabe. Because my Astrolabe is, to me, perfect the way she is.





Astrolabe 27 ← Seol 53 → Seol 54
seol_plumfall: (astro)
I saw the reason that Seol never did take me here, down there, upon the ground.

There aren't any gardens. There aren't any candles around the temple. There are still flames, though, big ones in the middle of the bones of the buildings. The Lost Ones lay down their bows and knives and smoke their fresh-caught roast: the fatty arm of a dark-skinned draenei.

There they are, eating my home.

I hate them.




Astrolabe 26 ← Astrolabe 27 → Seol 53
seol_plumfall: (astro)
Dear Seol!

Common of I gets better and better if I write.

This year holiday of Azeroth Hallows End is at Draenor also. I think last year it was also there. But last year I was sad and I feared to leave Shattrath. So I did not go. But this year I do not fear, and I am also happy to get candies for I and for Seol. So I am to go!

So I got a grifon. I wanted a wivern friend, but I do not speak orc, and people suspect someone purple on a wivern. People do not suspect a purple person on a grifon. A problem was that dwarves do not sell grifons but give a gift of a grifon to big people of the Alliance. I am not of the Alliance, so I got a grifon from a goblin with a lot of money.

It was not money of you. It was money of black smith work of I. I am so happy of I.

ExpandRead more... )
seol_plumfall: (seol)
Astrolabe,

I know you try to make a joke with the mask and the "now you will love me because I am a blood elf" but it's not Various things happened today.

I was afraid to confess to Tiddia so I did not go home to the apartment in Silvermoon quickly. I went to M'uru's room instead because I wanted to feel that love so I would be a little braver. But I found Shuuken there. It was strange. She said she heard music that called her there. I wonder if Shuuken "hears" the spirits and the breath of the earth the way that I "feel" the Light.

ExpandRead more... )
seol_plumfall: (seol)
Astrolabe,

Today Tiddia and I went to Quel'Danas to fight the Sunfuries as we planned.

Before we left I showed her M'uru's room. Shuuken found us by accident in Silvermoon and so I showed her, too. And Jelleneth came to the room while looking for Master Arimadios. I tried to explain my feelings but I do not think Tiddia and Jelleneth liked them very much. Maybe it is because my ideas are very full of pain or because it is a sort of feeling of a selfish child. But Tiddia said that she understood and did not hate me for it. Even if she thinks I am twisted if she understands that is enough.

Shuuken understood well, I think. I often think that Shuuken understands me well. I think that this means I am much like a mad shaman and am not sure if I should be happy or worried about this.

ExpandRead more... )
seol_plumfall: (seol)
Astrolabe,

Today I met an engineer committing sacrilege in M'uru's room.

I did not throw him out or show my anger even though I probably outrank the one who let him down here. And I know it would be wrong of me to say that he is definitely immoral when I am happy to commit heresies and blasphemies.

But it is disrespectful. It is not kind to be careless and to track dirt on the bloodstains left by a mother who died giving birth. Even if the dead do not care about their dignity any more, their children do. It is unkind to their feelings.

But I held onto my tongue.

ExpandRead more... )
seol_plumfall: (Default)
The man who steals food because he is dying of hunger.

The man who commits treason in order to save the monarch's life.

The man who holds no special rank, upon whom no dependents rely, who does no great work for the world, who kills an attacker bent on his life.

The madman who, blind with illusions, kills out of fear and horror.

ExpandRead more... )
seol_plumfall: (seol)
Maybe I overdid it. In any case, after the last letter, I think things will get better. I will not give up.

But I am still feeling a bit cranky so I came down here to rest a little bit before I go back to the apartment. Because although I want to make her understand I do not want to hurt her by coming home with a tearful face or to say something selfish and upsetting because I wasn't thinking calmly. And I cannot go home to Astrolabe for this purpose because if I tell her about this incident I think she will just get angrier with Tiddia and probably get angry at me too.

And while I was lying down here and thinking about the letters I think I figured something out that I need to write down before I forget.

The reason that I cried so much when I met A'dal and the other naaru in Shattrath for the first time.

It was not because being near to the naaru makes me feel the pangs of the Light in my chest, the sorrow and suffering of the Light - that is the reason I still cry and the reason I feel so much pain near them.

But the reason that I cried so much the first time, which I did not understand very well at the moment, was, I think...

that the naaru saw my pain and looked at me and said, "we feel it, too."



and then Astrolabe came to me and felt it, too...




Seol 47 ← Seol 48 → Seol 49
seol_plumfall: (seol)
Well, nevermind.

It turns out Tiddia never believed in my love at all.




Seol 46 ← Seol 47 → Seol 48
seol_plumfall: (seol)
Astrolabe,

Now I will write down the things that happened in Silvermoon because I have calmed down. But by the Light you have strange ideas of what is humorous

My sister went on a trip. I am not as worried as Pietro is. When Jia began to go on outings with Galenos I was very worried, but actually he is very intelligent and good with a bow and Jia is as safe traveling with him as she is traveling with any Farstrider. And Jia is not just a good mage, but she is very sensible and does not do silly things. She will stay by the roads and travel in a group and go from Horde post to Horde post. In that way she really is a lot smarter than her brother who goes to try to make friends with the Alliance every few months.

ExpandRead more... )
seol_plumfall: (seol)

By the Light

I am glad that Tiddia does not actually hate me and says she will try to be kinder to me and maybe she does indeed accept my love. And she listened to me explain the problem with the peace of the Scourge and she hopefully heard me and it is all good but

By the Light.

By the Light.

B y   t h e   L i g h t .

If I really had to I would do it

But I think that Astrolabe must have misunderstood Tiddia's Common. Right?


Pietro 7 ← Seol 45 → Astrolabe 25
seol_plumfall: (empty)
No, I can't just go to sleep.

Stela, she was so short and small, but there was no person, no danger of which she was afraid. She was clever and brave and did not suffer any sort of arbitrary obstacles or illogical rules. Of course sometimes she would lose and she would get frustrated and sad, and sometimes she'd just plain be wrong about whatever and have to change her stance, but no matter how many times she'd lost she did not give up her deep wishes. She did not wall herself up and stop listening to her feelings, stop believing in the deep truth of her feelings. She was really strong.

Stela with her red hair and her third set of teeth that was kind of crooked. Stela who would kick a boy in the face if he deserved it, even if she was wearing a skirt. Stela who was reading material five years ahead of schedule, Stela who maybe was smarter than even I.

Stela is maybe dead because of me.

I've got to help Jia.




Pietro 6 ← Cosimo 3 → Pietro 7
seol_plumfall: (pietro)
Oh dear.

Miss Jia and Galenos ran off today while I was out with Cosimo. From the tone of their letter I am afraid they are going to Outland, an entirely inappropriate place for a small child to be, no matter how clever she thinks she is. Cosimo is distraught and I dare not mention that I suspect that Outland was her destination because he will surely go charging after her... and I am quite sure that, despite his advantage in years, he is much less competent than Jia.

And then the young master came home in tears saying that he has angered Miss Dix and that she will not be coming home to us. By L.! What am I supposed to do with this suit now??

-- I should not be worrying about such trivial things as suits when the two boys are crying themselves sick over the loss of their friends.

And Miss Dix is not coming home to us? Will she be safe wandering the Horde alone? Such an innocent soul -- so many scheming, handsome, clever rogues would take advantage of her.

I think I will miss her a great deal.




Astrolabe 24 ← Pietro 6 → Cosimo 3
seol_plumfall: (astro)

I can't stand this sound.

I can't stand the sound of the trampling and crushing and stomping that is supposed to be the healing. I can't stand the sound of the wish that took so much courage to wish for being chewed upon. I can't stand the sound of that tiny desire and hope being crumpled. He is crying and I   c a n ' t   s t a n d   t h e   s o u n d.

Stealing love from an innocent and weak, beautiful heart that struggles against all that weight to love at all, it's not fair. Laughing away unconditional love, painful love, it's not fair. It's evil. It's unforgivable.

I can't allow her to keep torturing him.




Seol 44 ← Astrolabe 24 → Pietro 6
seol_plumfall: (seol)
I did not die. I was saved by the very kind Lady Elayia, for whom I must write harder, and the not-a-paladin Kriegus, and by Ruepert who took considerable risks for my sake, and by Tiddia.

Tiddia came to look for me. She did not go to the necromancers. She came back to the Cathedral to look for me because I was late. I am so happy that she did not go to the necromancers. I am so happy for her soul.

But I think that it is like I thought, and that Tiddia does not want anything to do with me anymore.

No matter how hard I try, what I do, as sincere as I try to be

ExpandRead more... )
seol_plumfall: (seol)
Astrolabe,

I made a mistake. I was very tired while studying and I fell asleep. And now I woke up and the draenei potion has stopped working, and I am here in the basement of the Cathedral of Stormwind with my long ears and green eyes and no armor at all.

I am afraid I am going to die.

And I must make a confession to you if I am going to die.

ExpandRead more... )
seol_plumfall: (seol)
Astrolabe,

I feel as if I am always holding onto Tiddia just barely and then losing her again.

At the Pig, which Tiddia used to like, we met a strange and friendly draenei paladin-not-a-paladin, which pleased you a lot. You made something like hot chocolate for us and it was very tasty. But then there were scary drunk people and we left to go to the Slaughtered Lamb, which has a very morbid name.

That was the place that things began to get bad again. After you went home.

ExpandRead more... )

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