→Seol 51: Upon Quel'Danas

[seol_plumfall]

Astrolabe,

Today Tiddia and I went to Quel'Danas to fight the Sunfuries as we planned.

Before we left I showed her M'uru's room. Shuuken found us by accident in Silvermoon and so I showed her, too. And Jelleneth came to the room while looking for Master Arimadios. I tried to explain my feelings but I do not think Tiddia and Jelleneth liked them very much. Maybe it is because my ideas are very full of pain or because it is a sort of feeling of a selfish child. But Tiddia said that she understood and did not hate me for it. Even if she thinks I am twisted if she understands that is enough.

Shuuken understood well, I think. I often think that Shuuken understands me well. I think that this means I am much like a mad shaman and am not sure if I should be happy or worried about this.

Then I asked Shuuken and Jelleneth to accompany us to Quel'Danas. It was a mistake because Master Arimadios appeared and of course he wished to follow Jelleneth. And then he followed and many miserable things happened because of this.

Although I was unable to say anything. I could not even say "Stop touching me because it hurts," I could not get myself to do it. I did not lie but it was too difficult for me to say the truthful "no." I know you will be sad because when I cannot say "no" it often makes me suffer and you grieve for me. I must try to become stronger.

Upon Quel'Danas there was more trouble. Shuuken and Tiddia did not want to kill the Wretched even when they attacked. When Shuuken said she could save the Wretched with her words it hurt Jelleneth because, I think, Jelleneth has tried many words and exhausted herself calling out to them and it is an insult that any orc shaman can save the souls of the ones who are lost, beloved, longed-for by their elven families. I do not know the truth about Jelleneth but it was what I guessed. But I think we managed to make peace over it.

I introduced Tiddia to K'iru also, and Tiddia hated it. She compared the naaru to Arthas and their language to the mind control of a necromancer. It hurt me very much and I am not sure how she can scold me for blasphemy after that but maybe I made her understand that the naaru could be her friends when I said that K'iru gave her the same blessing as me and that maybe this was one half of a friendship reaching out and that it was her turn to reach.

Although I do not know if naaru and the undead really can be friends because the naaru do not always think in many subtle colors. Maybe they will accept her as the "void form" of a light form that still has the same good soul. Maybe I should introduce Tiddia to D'ore?

Then Master Arimadios invaded that conversation and destroyed it as we would expect.

And then upon the Magisters' Terrace I shamed myself.



I said that I would confess to Tiddia and to Shuuken but it is something that I have not confessed to you yet.

I am not sure I can confess it to them.

Tonight I will tell you and you must hold me in your kindness. I hope do not think you will hate me or be surprised really but it is something I hoped I would not need to confess to anyone at any time.

I am very foolish.



But I was all right and did not have to confess it right away or retire from the Terrace even though Master Arimadios bullied me terribly.

And Tiddia asked him and Jelleneth and Shuuken to give me space and not to touch me and I was very touched that she remembered my problem at that time and respected it. I need to thank her again.

But I was mainly all right because I managed to make myself calm and because we soon were more worried about Jelleneth who was excited by the fel magic everywhere and felt her sickness and hunger awakening. Master Arimadios managed to calm her but we were all very worried and frightened about it.

And then in the end I failed to hide that Tiddia was eating from Jelleneth and Master Arimadios. I am glad that they did not seem very angry about it. Although Shuuken did not find out I hope she would not be angry either as I think she would understand it.

And I hugged Tiddia so that she would not feel lonely in her suffering for me and would remember that I am also willing to suffer for her. And she said that she believed in my love. And so I think that although we saw many differences between us it will be okay.

It will be okay.



It will be okay if I confess to you.



But I need to buy Dreamless Sleep Potions before I go back to Shattrath.



And then. Something happened that would make you very happy.

Although it is not quite equal to all the unhappiness he ever has created for me, I avenged myself on Master Arimadios.

I will tell you about that also tonight.

Seol 50 ← Seol 51 → Log 1