→Seol 43: Confession
Oct. 11th, 2009 10:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seol_plumfallAstrolabe,
I made a mistake. I was very tired while studying and I fell asleep. And now I woke up and the draenei potion has stopped working, and I am here in the basement of the Cathedral of Stormwind with my long ears and green eyes and no armor at all.
I am afraid I am going to die.
And I must make a confession to you if I am going to die.
It is that when I first agreed to be your husband, I did not think about it very much because I believed I would die soon. So I did not think about if I loved you or not or if we would be able to create happiness for each other for centuries of our lives because I thought I would be dead and it would not matter any more.
I did not love you, Astrolabe. And I did not think about if you loved me. So the first time I went to the Cathedral to hide in the basement among the books as I am doing now, I did not feel afraid at all. I did not fear being captured at all. I did not mind that much when I was beaten. And I did not fear dying other than a small fear that I would die too early and not be able to be a helpful Blood Knight and paladin any more. I did not worry that your heart would break. I did not think of your feelings at all.
And now this time I am terrified that you will be broken and lonely and sad if I die. And I will not have even put my life down as a wall against an incursion of the Legion. I will die for some theology that I wanted to read.
I do not want to die. I want to return to your side. I want to return and bring you the smile you have when you see your husband return alive.I want to die usefully, stretching out every breath of my life, clinging to every drop of blood I have, until I have no more and I am a broken shield
I do not want to die.
I am afraid that even if you come, or Tiddia decides not to join the necromancers and comes to look for me when I do not return to Redridge, there is not anything you can do because the transformation potions took a long time to make. And although I escaped after being interrogated last time I do not think they will be so gentle to me if they catch me again and probably I will be executed quickly.
Astrolabe, I am so sorry.
I made a mistake. I was very tired while studying and I fell asleep. And now I woke up and the draenei potion has stopped working, and I am here in the basement of the Cathedral of Stormwind with my long ears and green eyes and no armor at all.
I am afraid I am going to die.
And I must make a confession to you if I am going to die.
It is that when I first agreed to be your husband, I did not think about it very much because I believed I would die soon. So I did not think about if I loved you or not or if we would be able to create happiness for each other for centuries of our lives because I thought I would be dead and it would not matter any more.
I did not love you, Astrolabe. And I did not think about if you loved me. So the first time I went to the Cathedral to hide in the basement among the books as I am doing now, I did not feel afraid at all. I did not fear being captured at all. I did not mind that much when I was beaten. And I did not fear dying other than a small fear that I would die too early and not be able to be a helpful Blood Knight and paladin any more. I did not worry that your heart would break. I did not think of your feelings at all.
And now this time I am terrified that you will be broken and lonely and sad if I die. And I will not have even put my life down as a wall against an incursion of the Legion. I will die for some theology that I wanted to read.
I do not want to die. I want to return to your side. I want to return and bring you the smile you have when you see your husband return alive.
I do not want to die.
I am afraid that even if you come, or Tiddia decides not to join the necromancers and comes to look for me when I do not return to Redridge, there is not anything you can do because the transformation potions took a long time to make. And although I escaped after being interrogated last time I do not think they will be so gentle to me if they catch me again and probably I will be executed quickly.
Astrolabe, I am so sorry.