seol_plumfall: (seol)

Today I confessed to Tiddia and it was fine. After was the same as before. She treated me very kindly today and complimented me on many strange things. She at least thinks I look more like a man than a boy now, and I was flattered. And when I told her the story she was not angered or frightened, I think at least, and when I asked if she thought I was weak for still having a panic reaction to that, she still said I was perfect the way that I am.

Maybe she was just saying especially nice things to make me calm down, but I was so happy to hear those kind words. And she says she wants to join the Ebon Blade so that she can stand in Icecrown with the army that protects life in order to protect me and to protect the ones I love. I was so happy to hear that.

Will you forgive her, Astrolabe? It is not fair of me to ask such a thing of Astrolabe when she is still so unhappy. I feel bad, I should have discouraged her from touring Draenor, I should have known that what she would see would upset her.


I am so happy that Tiddia wants to protect my Astrolabe. Because my Astrolabe is, to me, perfect the way she is.

Astrolabe 27 ← Seol 53 → Seol 54
seol_plumfall: (seol)

Today Tiddia and I went to Quel'Danas to fight the Sunfuries as we planned.

Before we left I showed her M'uru's room. Shuuken found us by accident in Silvermoon and so I showed her, too. And Jelleneth came to the room while looking for Master Arimadios. I tried to explain my feelings but I do not think Tiddia and Jelleneth liked them very much. Maybe it is because my ideas are very full of pain or because it is a sort of feeling of a selfish child. But Tiddia said that she understood and did not hate me for it. Even if she thinks I am twisted if she understands that is enough.

Shuuken understood well, I think. I often think that Shuuken understands me well. I think that this means I am much like a mad shaman and am not sure if I should be happy or worried about this.

Read more... )
seol_plumfall: (seol)
Maybe I overdid it. In any case, after the last letter, I think things will get better. I will not give up.

But I am still feeling a bit cranky so I came down here to rest a little bit before I go back to the apartment. Because although I want to make her understand I do not want to hurt her by coming home with a tearful face or to say something selfish and upsetting because I wasn't thinking calmly. And I cannot go home to Astrolabe for this purpose because if I tell her about this incident I think she will just get angrier with Tiddia and probably get angry at me too.

And while I was lying down here and thinking about the letters I think I figured something out that I need to write down before I forget.

The reason that I cried so much when I met A'dal and the other naaru in Shattrath for the first time.

It was not because being near to the naaru makes me feel the pangs of the Light in my chest, the sorrow and suffering of the Light - that is the reason I still cry and the reason I feel so much pain near them.

But the reason that I cried so much the first time, which I did not understand very well at the moment, was, I think...

that the naaru saw my pain and looked at me and said, "we feel it, too."

and then Astrolabe came to me and felt it, too...

Seol 47 ← Seol 48 → Seol 49
seol_plumfall: (seol)
Well, nevermind.

It turns out Tiddia never believed in my love at all.

Seol 46 ← Seol 47 → Seol 48
seol_plumfall: (seol)

Now I will write down the things that happened in Silvermoon because I have calmed down. But by the Light you have strange ideas of what is humorous

My sister went on a trip. I am not as worried as Pietro is. When Jia began to go on outings with Galenos I was very worried, but actually he is very intelligent and good with a bow and Jia is as safe traveling with him as she is traveling with any Farstrider. And Jia is not just a good mage, but she is very sensible and does not do silly things. She will stay by the roads and travel in a group and go from Horde post to Horde post. In that way she really is a lot smarter than her brother who goes to try to make friends with the Alliance every few months.

Read more... )
seol_plumfall: (seol)

By the Light

I am glad that Tiddia does not actually hate me and says she will try to be kinder to me and maybe she does indeed accept my love. And she listened to me explain the problem with the peace of the Scourge and she hopefully heard me and it is all good but

By the Light.

By the Light.

B y   t h e   L i g h t .

If I really had to I would do it

But I think that Astrolabe must have misunderstood Tiddia's Common. Right?

Pietro 7 ← Seol 45 → Astrolabe 25
seol_plumfall: (astro)

I can't stand this sound.

I can't stand the sound of the trampling and crushing and stomping that is supposed to be the healing. I can't stand the sound of the wish that took so much courage to wish for being chewed upon. I can't stand the sound of that tiny desire and hope being crumpled. He is crying and I   c a n ' t   s t a n d   t h e   s o u n d.

Stealing love from an innocent and weak, beautiful heart that struggles against all that weight to love at all, it's not fair. Laughing away unconditional love, painful love, it's not fair. It's evil. It's unforgivable.

I can't allow her to keep torturing him.

Seol 44 ← Astrolabe 24 → Pietro 6
seol_plumfall: (seol)
I did not die. I was saved by the very kind Lady Elayia, for whom I must write harder, and the not-a-paladin Kriegus, and by Ruepert who took considerable risks for my sake, and by Tiddia.

Tiddia came to look for me. She did not go to the necromancers. She came back to the Cathedral to look for me because I was late. I am so happy that she did not go to the necromancers. I am so happy for her soul.

But I think that it is like I thought, and that Tiddia does not want anything to do with me anymore.

No matter how hard I try, what I do, as sincere as I try to be

Read more... )
seol_plumfall: (seol)

I feel as if I am always holding onto Tiddia just barely and then losing her again.

At the Pig, which Tiddia used to like, we met a strange and friendly draenei paladin-not-a-paladin, which pleased you a lot. You made something like hot chocolate for us and it was very tasty. But then there were scary drunk people and we left to go to the Slaughtered Lamb, which has a very morbid name.

That was the place that things began to get bad again. After you went home.

Read more... )
seol_plumfall: (seol)

I am starting to feel excited, even though I told myself not to feel this way because it is dangerous. If something goes wrong, Tiddia can maybe say that she is not of the Forsaken and is really a returning Ebon Blade of the Alliance. But I am a blood elf and a Blood Knight and if I get caught again, it may be bad.

And yet I am excited. For at least a few hours I can walk into the Cathedral at ease. I can breathe in the old theology books and sigh as loudly as I want. And I will get to learn about things with you. I hope.

Tiddia is also acting happy and so I am happy.

I guess it was this friend whom she needed all along. No matter what I did for her, I was not able to give her the love and hope she needed to be happy again. I suppose I feel a little jealous and a little sorry for myself. But I also feel so much happiness for her, lighter and better at the same time that I feel so heavy.

Perhaps she will no longer need me after this, and I will slowly disappear from her happy story.

Jiajia 2 ← Seol 39 → Seol 40
seol_plumfall: (seol)
I am trying really hard.

I am really trying very hard. Even doing very painful and unpleasant things. I want you to be grateful to me. Or at least believe that I am trying hard, I am trying really hard to understand and to make it a little better. I am not just acting according to dogma and whim, I am not a [scribble] I am really, really, really trying.

If I can carry disgusting rotten     Please believe in me.


It would be nice to have a small wedding. Let us plan. But I want to finish the writing first.

Astrolabe 16 ← Seol 25 → Seol 26
seol_plumfall: (ooc)
Ronch's player drew Seol! You must be registered with wranet to see it.

I need to get in the art trade line too.