Isaac Black (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
seol_plumfall) wrote2009-10-07 09:44 am
seol_plumfall) wrote2009-10-07 09:44 am
Entry tags:
→Jiajia 2: Unconditional love
I hated my parents.
They never punished me. They were never angry or pleased with what I did. Sometimes I could annoy them and get them to leave me alone for a while. But mostly they didn't care at all.
It's not like they didn't notice or didn't know what was going on. The nanny or governess would always report everything to them. And I would always get the exact books I needed and clothes that were just the right size. And when I asked for a whole set of imported dolls with real doll-sized Mageweave clothes, they gave it to me. Because they loved me no matter what.
No matter what.
No matter what kind of terrible things I did or said, how hard I studied or tried to embarrass them in public, they loved me just the same. Their precious and lovely daughter.
Whoever the fel that was.
I guess they were really busy, kissing and arguing with each other a lot. Or they were too busy worrying about my brothers' education and debuts. I remember that they got punished. Maybe they just ran out of care by the time they got to the fifth child. Or I wasn't lovable or hateable enough to them.
It was different, though, with Seol. I think it was probably the third time that we were playing together. Like the first couple of times, he was facing the window and ignoring whatever game I was playing -- some kind of stupid little girl tea party. And I got really mad at him and dumped the whole pot of tea over his head. And then he started to cry and told me he hated me and hoped I would trip and fall in a puddle of mud and swallow a tadpole.
It took a long time for me to make him my friend after that, but I did it. And I remember, he cried when I teased him, and he cried in a different way when I would listen to him complain about boys and tell him they were stupid anyway, and he cried and said he would never forgive me when I threw a stone at a bully and he bled all over the place and had to be taken to the temple. He did forgive me, but he didn't forget.
He liked me because I was smart and tough, because I was interesting and I would help him out, for reasons. When I said something his face would really change, his eyes would get big and he would say, "you're so smart, Jia." And he disliked me when I was bad and he would get really angry or upset. He really felt things because of what I did. Or at least I thought it was like that.
But I think it was already starting to change a long time ago. By the time we were in Quel'Danil and he was taking care of me, it had changed. No matter how bad it hurt, he would make sure I got a tap before he did. No matter what kind of horrible things I would say while I was sick and seeing things, he would stay next to me and give me water or pet my hair. At the time I think I liked it. I was afraid all the time. I was afraid that if the adults all left to go take care of something else I would suddenly get a really bad pang and not be able to get up and die in the bed sick and all alone. Except that Seol was always there, so I was okay. And then it got a little better and we went back to Silvermoon.
I hated those years. I hated not having any privacy in the group home, I hated being around all the little kids, I hated not owning my own books, I hated not owning practically anything. Seol was constantly in bed at the time, and usually I tried to be nice to him, but things would make me so angry and I would treat him badly. And sometimes he'd act hurt, but he would be back to nodding and smiling really soon afterwards and he never got angry at me. I should have known something was different, but I guess I thought he was just acting like that because he was tired.
And then he got better and became a Blood Knight so that we would have money for an apartment and better food and privacy. And I became his sister so that I would inherit from him. That's the reason he'd always give and I thought that was all there was to it.
But I should have realized. I was his sister.
Now I've got this big apartment and a ton of stuff, I get money for the bills and for anything else I say I need to buy, no questions asked. And no matter how badly I treat his guests, or what kind of nasty things I say about his secret mistress, he never gets really angry and finally just forgives me with a little, "Try to be kinder."
He'll love me no matter what. Like a dog.
I guess he's too busy fighting and working and mooning over the Light and loving his mistress who is so smart and interesting nowadays. So love is all he's got left.
I guess I don't have anyone at all anymore, except Galenos. Because he looks like a dog, but really he's a cat.
They never punished me. They were never angry or pleased with what I did. Sometimes I could annoy them and get them to leave me alone for a while. But mostly they didn't care at all.
It's not like they didn't notice or didn't know what was going on. The nanny or governess would always report everything to them. And I would always get the exact books I needed and clothes that were just the right size. And when I asked for a whole set of imported dolls with real doll-sized Mageweave clothes, they gave it to me. Because they loved me no matter what.
No matter what.
No matter what kind of terrible things I did or said, how hard I studied or tried to embarrass them in public, they loved me just the same. Their precious and lovely daughter.
Whoever the fel that was.
I guess they were really busy, kissing and arguing with each other a lot. Or they were too busy worrying about my brothers' education and debuts. I remember that they got punished. Maybe they just ran out of care by the time they got to the fifth child. Or I wasn't lovable or hateable enough to them.
It was different, though, with Seol. I think it was probably the third time that we were playing together. Like the first couple of times, he was facing the window and ignoring whatever game I was playing -- some kind of stupid little girl tea party. And I got really mad at him and dumped the whole pot of tea over his head. And then he started to cry and told me he hated me and hoped I would trip and fall in a puddle of mud and swallow a tadpole.
It took a long time for me to make him my friend after that, but I did it. And I remember, he cried when I teased him, and he cried in a different way when I would listen to him complain about boys and tell him they were stupid anyway, and he cried and said he would never forgive me when I threw a stone at a bully and he bled all over the place and had to be taken to the temple. He did forgive me, but he didn't forget.
He liked me because I was smart and tough, because I was interesting and I would help him out, for reasons. When I said something his face would really change, his eyes would get big and he would say, "you're so smart, Jia." And he disliked me when I was bad and he would get really angry or upset. He really felt things because of what I did. Or at least I thought it was like that.
But I think it was already starting to change a long time ago. By the time we were in Quel'Danil and he was taking care of me, it had changed. No matter how bad it hurt, he would make sure I got a tap before he did. No matter what kind of horrible things I would say while I was sick and seeing things, he would stay next to me and give me water or pet my hair. At the time I think I liked it. I was afraid all the time. I was afraid that if the adults all left to go take care of something else I would suddenly get a really bad pang and not be able to get up and die in the bed sick and all alone. Except that Seol was always there, so I was okay. And then it got a little better and we went back to Silvermoon.
I hated those years. I hated not having any privacy in the group home, I hated being around all the little kids, I hated not owning my own books, I hated not owning practically anything. Seol was constantly in bed at the time, and usually I tried to be nice to him, but things would make me so angry and I would treat him badly. And sometimes he'd act hurt, but he would be back to nodding and smiling really soon afterwards and he never got angry at me. I should have known something was different, but I guess I thought he was just acting like that because he was tired.
And then he got better and became a Blood Knight so that we would have money for an apartment and better food and privacy. And I became his sister so that I would inherit from him. That's the reason he'd always give and I thought that was all there was to it.
But I should have realized. I was his sister.
Now I've got this big apartment and a ton of stuff, I get money for the bills and for anything else I say I need to buy, no questions asked. And no matter how badly I treat his guests, or what kind of nasty things I say about his secret mistress, he never gets really angry and finally just forgives me with a little, "Try to be kinder."
He'll love me no matter what. Like a dog.
I guess he's too busy fighting and working and mooning over the Light and loving his mistress who is so smart and interesting nowadays. So love is all he's got left.
I guess I don't have anyone at all anymore, except Galenos. Because he looks like a dog, but really he's a cat.